Beware of Pride - Week 8

Pride is an interesting concept because when you are wrapped up in it, you don’t feel like you are doing anything wrong.  This is why pride is so dangerous.  I decided to listen a sermon called Beware of  Pride, by President Ezra Taft Benson.  To my pleasant surprise, it was delivered by Gordon B. Hinkley. The words of this talk are straight forward and powerful.  For a long time after this talk, I remember it was almost taboo to use the word “proud.”   President Benson teaches that, “The central feature of pride is enmity—enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen. Enmity means “hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.”  It is the power by which Satan wishes to reign over us.  Pride is competitive in nature.  As Paul said, they “see their own, not the things which are Jesus Christ’s” (Philip 2:21) (Benson, 1989).  Proud people do not like people telling them what to do, and do not think what they are doing is wrong.  However, pride is always a sin.

In any relationship, especially marriage, since we are together so often, there are many times we become annoyed with our spouse.  This is not their problem, this is our problem.  When ever we feel like we need to complain to our spouse and “fix” them, we are suffering with pride.  “The natural man is inclined to love himself and fix others.  God has asked us to do the opposite.  We are to fix ourselves by repenting, and to love others” (Goddard, 2009).  When we find ourselves irritated by small, or for that matter, large things, that our spouses say or do, we need to be the ones to re-evaluate our inner intentions toward them.  Repenting includes asking for God’s mercy. “...that he would have mercy upon you.  Yea, cry unto him for mercy, for her is mighty to save” (Alma 34:17-18).  “The more you can agree about the fundamentals in life, the richer, more profound, and, in a sense, easier your marriage is likely to be” (Gottman, 2015).   

“The antidote for pride is humility—meekness, submissiveness. It is the broken heart and contrite spirit” (Benson, 1989).  "But humility is not something reserved to be taught only to children. We must all strive to become more humble. Humility is essential to gain the blessings of the gospel. Humility enables us to have broken hearts when we sin or make mistakes and makes it possible for us to repent. Humility enables us to be better parents, sons and daughters, husbands and wives, neighbors and friends.  On the other hand, unnecessary pride can dissolve family relationships, break up marriages, and destroy friendships. It is especially important to remember humility when you feel contention rising in your home. Think of all the heartache you can avoid by humbling yourself to say, “I’m sorry”; “That was inconsiderate of me”; “What would you like to do?”; “I just wasn’t thinking”; or “I’m very proud of you.” If these little phrases were humbly used, there would be less contention and more peace in our homes" (Snow, 2016).  There are many ways in which we can choose to be humble.  One way we can accomplish this is by taking time to serve others, whether it is a family member, neighbor, church member, or service in the temple.  Submitting to the will of God, instead of our own will, shows that we are humbling ourselves and loving others more than ourselves.  Showing mercy to others, also helps us master our quest for being humble.  We are not perfect beings.  We should show mercy to others the way that Christ had mercy on the lives of those he touched in the examples of the scriptures.

In marriage, it is hard to bite your tongue and let things that bother you slide sometimes.  We need to remember that when we marry our cherished spouse that we want to build a wonderful life with them.  We can accomplish this by creating shared meaning and goals. Essentially families are a mini-culture that is created by two people building their family foundation on shared goals and values.  This can only be done with respect, love, appreciation of each other’s differences, and realizing that a “rewarding marriage is about more than sidestepping conflict.  A crucial goal of any marriage, is to create an atmosphere that encourages each person to talk honestly about his or her convictions.  The more you talk candidly and respectfully, the more likely there is to be a blending of your sense of meaning” (Gottman, 2015).

 If you have time, this is an excellent talk on Pride from President Uchtdorf. 

Benson, E. T. (1989) Beware of Pride. Ensign. Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1989/04/beware-of-pride?lang=eng

Goddard H. W. (2009). Drawing heaven into your marriage: eternal doctrines that change relationships. Cedar Hills, UT: Joymap Publishing.

Gottman, John M. PH.D., Silver, Nan. (1999, 2015 second edition) The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books New York

Snow, S. E, (2016) Be Thou Humble. Ensign. Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/be-thou-humble?lang=eng