Thoughts on Divorce - Week 2

Thoughts on Divorce

While growing up in the 70s, divorce was not an issue that was discussed very often.  Occasionally, I would hear that one of my friends’ parents were getting divorced, and that was devastating.  I felt sad as I watched them come to school looking miserable and lonely.  I knew only a handful of people who suffered through this event. 

Today, divorce is rampant.  According to The State of Our Union 2012; The National Marriage Project states, “For the average couple marrying for the first time in recent years, the lifetime probability of separation or divorce now falls between 40 to 50 percent.” (Marquardt, Lerman, Malone-Colón, Wilcox, 2012)  Many of my friends, my children’s friends, and others whom I observe at my job as a general assistant at an elementary school, are divorced or in the process or divorcing.  It seems as if divorce is now a common household name. 

In Elder Dallan H. Oaks talk, Divorce, he talks about our marriages as a living thing, which I had never considered.   He states, “Bishops do not council members to divorce, but they can help members with the consequences of their decisions. Under the law of the Lord, a marriage, like a human life, is a precious, living thing. If our bodies are sick, we seek to heal them. We do not give up. While there is any prospect of life, we seek healing again and again. The same should be true of our marriages, and if we seek Him, the Lord will help us and heal us.”  (Oaks, 2007)

Elder Oaks continues to talk about the cause of divorce; that it is not incompatibility, but selfishness.  There will be times within a marriage that one will become upset or offended.  One of the greatest gifts we have is that of the Atonement.  We need to be willing to swallow our pride, pray for forgiveness, and take the advice that Elder Oaks suggests, “If you are already descending into the low state of marriage-in-name-only, please join hands, kneel together, and prayerfully plead for help and the healing power of the Atonement. Your humble and united pleadings will bring you closer to the Lord and to each other and will help you in the hard climb back to marital harmony.” (Oaks, 2007)

This is not an easy road.  After recognizing that a marriage needs to be fed, Elder Oaks points out that, “the couples who followed this bishop’s counsel and stayed together emerged with their marriages even stronger. That prospect began with their mutual commitment to keep the commandments, stay active in their Church attendance, scripture reading, and prayer, and to work on their own shortcomings. They “recognized the importance and power of the Atonement for their spouse and for themselves,” and “they were patient and would try again and again.” When the couples he counseled did these things, repenting and working to save their marriages, this bishop reported that “healing was achieved 100 percent of the time.” (Oaks, 2007)

There are a million reasons people give when they divorce.  Elder Oaks talks about the innocent victims, and for reasons of abuse, abandonment, or betrayal of marriage commitments, they must escape their situation, which many times is worse than divorce.  There must be a way out.  Those that suffer as a consequence of divorce also have the opportunity to utilize the Atonement as an essential piece to help heal broken souls. “All who have been through divorce know the pain and need the healing power and hope that come from the Atonement. That healing power and that hope are there for them and also for their children.” (Oaks, 2007)

I know God loves each of his children and He wants the best for all of us.  I know that if we want to have a good marriage, we must sacrifice and serve our spouses.  Unselfishness is key in helping a marriage move forward.  It might not always be convenient to put your spouse first, however, the likelihood of successful marriage hinges on this principle.

Here are a couple of Mormon Messages that I thought were powerful relating to marriage and divorce. 

https://goo.gl/images/2G6x3p

https://www.mormonchannel.org/watch/series/mormon-messages/saving-your-marriage-2

https://www.mormonchannel.org/watch/series/his-grace/falling-out-of-love-with-a-spouse

Elizabeth Marquardt, David Blankenhorn, Robert I. Lerman, Linda Malone-Colón, and W. Bradford Wilcox. (2012). “The President's Marriage Agenda for the Forgotten Sixty Percent,” The State of Our Unions. Retrieved from https://byui.brightspace.com/content/enforced/360707-Online.2018.Winter.FAML300.05/Course%20Files/State%20of%20Our%20Unions-2012.pdf?_&d2lSessionVal=y8UKQZ33ieH0lEbZOHeIeXDMR&ou=360707

Oaks, D. H. (2007). Divorce. Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2007/04/divorce?lang=eng

mormonchannel. (2012). Saving Your Marriage. Retrieved from https://www.mormonchannel.org/watch/series/mormon-messages/saving-your-marriage-2

mormonchannel. (2014) Falling Out of Love with a Spouse.  Retrieved from https://www.mormonchannel.org/watch/series/his-grace/falling-out-of-love-with-a-spouse