Protecting Marriage - Week 3

This week in my Marriage class, we are studying the topic of “Threats to Marriage.” I thought of many different situations that married couples deal with, like pornography, unfaithfulness, spousal and child abuse, even pride.  One significant threat to marriage is same-sex marriage.  The Obergefell v. Hodges court case that legalized same-sex marriage, is a 103-page document that I read completely.  I better understand what both sides, for and against, were pursuing.  If you want a more educated understanding of the proceedings and arguments for and against same-sex marriage, I suggest taking the time to read the case.

First, I will address the issues of faithfulness when marrying or in a marriage.  In President Russell M. Nelsons talk “Disciples of Jesus Christ - Defenders of Marriage” he addresses what is expected by a man and woman when they choose to join together in a holy union.  He says, “Family life will provide your most enduring rewards. As partners, you and your spouse will work together to achieve mutual goals and enjoy the fruits of your labors.”  He also states, “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else.  True intimacy, as planned by our Creator, is experienced only within the sacred union of a husband and wife because it is enriched by truth and ennobled by the honoring of covenants a husband and wife make with each other and with God” (Nelson, R.M., 2014).  It is crucial to note that full fidelity to those covenants forbids pornography, lust, or abuse in any form. 

Until one enters marriage, growth is an individual quest.  People make choices as an individual including, education, what hobbies to pursue, and how they will live their religion.   President Nelson states, “And in marriage, a husband and wife can form the most significant partnership of all—an eternal family. Great partners are completely loyal. They suppress personal ego in exchange for being part of creating something larger than themselves. Great partnerships are dependent upon each individual developing his or her own personal attributes of character” (Nelson, R.M., 2014).  

Being a defender of marriage requires one to know what they are defending.   The 2015 ruling of  the Obergefell v. Hodges court case, the ruling states, “Under this law, same gender people can petition for a marriage license and same-sex marriage will be recognized in all states.  These aspects of marital status include: taxation; inheritance and property rights; rules of intestate succession; spousal privilege in the law of evidence; hospital access; medical decision-making authority; adoption rights; the rights and benefits of survivors; birth and death certificates; professional ethics rules; campaign finance restrictions; workers’ compensation benefits; health insurance; and child custody, support, and visitation rules.  (Obergefell v. Hodges, 2015). The ruling of this case allowed those who are of the same gender, who marry, retain the same rights and privileges as opposite-sex marriages.

In reading the results, out of nine judges that voted on this case, only five voted for this law.  The other four dissented, and they all had the opportunity to express their reasons and concerns as to why they voted no.  All four of the judges that dissented (Roberts, Scalia, Thomas, and Alito), agreed on a few basic reasons why they dissented from the ruling of Obergefell v. Hodges.  One of those reasons is that traditional marriage goes back for millenia and is linked to procreation.  Also, because this case was passed, it poses a new threat to those who disagree with same-sex marriage.  Alito states, “those who cling to old beliefs will be able to whisper their thoughts in the recesses of their homes, but if they repeat those views in public, they will risk being labeled as bigots and treated as such by governments, employers, and schools" (Obergefell v. Hodges 2015).  This means that those who disagree with same-sex marriage and voice their approval of opposite-sex marriages will be vilified, making it difficult to express opinions, even though the First Amendment protects religious freedom.   The dissenting justices also warned that the Court was exceeding the limits of its power, by not allowing the people rule themselves by putting this issue to a vote.

Regardless of the court’s ruling, social and political pressures to change marriage laws are resulting in practices contrary to God’s will regarding the eternal nature and purposes of marriage. "Man simply cannot make moral what God has declared to be immoral. Sin, even if legalized by man, is still sin in the eyes of God" (Nelson 2014).

I would like to reference The Family Proclamation and the pattern the Lord has set.  The "family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities" (The Family: A Proclamation to the World).

I believe in traditional marriage, which is marriage between a man and a woman.  “The day is gone when you can be a quiet and comfortable Christian.  There is no such thing as a “part-time” disciple.  God is our judge” (Nelson 2014). I believe in every individual having agency and right to self-expression, even if it is different than my own.  This is tolerance.  We all deserve to be treated with dignity and respect regardless of differing opinions on traditional marriage.  

Nelson, Russell M. (2014, Aug. 14). Disciples of Jesus Christ-Defenders of Marriage. Brigham Young University Commencement.

            Obergefell v. Hodges, 576 U.S. (2015). Supreme Court of the United States.

           The Family: A Proclamation to the World. (1995, November). Ensign, 25, p. 102.

Thoughts on Divorce - Week 2

Thoughts on Divorce

While growing up in the 70s, divorce was not an issue that was discussed very often.  Occasionally, I would hear that one of my friends’ parents were getting divorced, and that was devastating.  I felt sad as I watched them come to school looking miserable and lonely.  I knew only a handful of people who suffered through this event. 

Today, divorce is rampant.  According to The State of Our Union 2012; The National Marriage Project states, “For the average couple marrying for the first time in recent years, the lifetime probability of separation or divorce now falls between 40 to 50 percent.” (Marquardt, Lerman, Malone-Colón, Wilcox, 2012)  Many of my friends, my children’s friends, and others whom I observe at my job as a general assistant at an elementary school, are divorced or in the process or divorcing.  It seems as if divorce is now a common household name. 

In Elder Dallan H. Oaks talk, Divorce, he talks about our marriages as a living thing, which I had never considered.   He states, “Bishops do not council members to divorce, but they can help members with the consequences of their decisions. Under the law of the Lord, a marriage, like a human life, is a precious, living thing. If our bodies are sick, we seek to heal them. We do not give up. While there is any prospect of life, we seek healing again and again. The same should be true of our marriages, and if we seek Him, the Lord will help us and heal us.”  (Oaks, 2007)

Elder Oaks continues to talk about the cause of divorce; that it is not incompatibility, but selfishness.  There will be times within a marriage that one will become upset or offended.  One of the greatest gifts we have is that of the Atonement.  We need to be willing to swallow our pride, pray for forgiveness, and take the advice that Elder Oaks suggests, “If you are already descending into the low state of marriage-in-name-only, please join hands, kneel together, and prayerfully plead for help and the healing power of the Atonement. Your humble and united pleadings will bring you closer to the Lord and to each other and will help you in the hard climb back to marital harmony.” (Oaks, 2007)

This is not an easy road.  After recognizing that a marriage needs to be fed, Elder Oaks points out that, “the couples who followed this bishop’s counsel and stayed together emerged with their marriages even stronger. That prospect began with their mutual commitment to keep the commandments, stay active in their Church attendance, scripture reading, and prayer, and to work on their own shortcomings. They “recognized the importance and power of the Atonement for their spouse and for themselves,” and “they were patient and would try again and again.” When the couples he counseled did these things, repenting and working to save their marriages, this bishop reported that “healing was achieved 100 percent of the time.” (Oaks, 2007)

There are a million reasons people give when they divorce.  Elder Oaks talks about the innocent victims, and for reasons of abuse, abandonment, or betrayal of marriage commitments, they must escape their situation, which many times is worse than divorce.  There must be a way out.  Those that suffer as a consequence of divorce also have the opportunity to utilize the Atonement as an essential piece to help heal broken souls. “All who have been through divorce know the pain and need the healing power and hope that come from the Atonement. That healing power and that hope are there for them and also for their children.” (Oaks, 2007)

I know God loves each of his children and He wants the best for all of us.  I know that if we want to have a good marriage, we must sacrifice and serve our spouses.  Unselfishness is key in helping a marriage move forward.  It might not always be convenient to put your spouse first, however, the likelihood of successful marriage hinges on this principle.

Here are a couple of Mormon Messages that I thought were powerful relating to marriage and divorce. 

https://goo.gl/images/2G6x3p

https://www.mormonchannel.org/watch/series/mormon-messages/saving-your-marriage-2

https://www.mormonchannel.org/watch/series/his-grace/falling-out-of-love-with-a-spouse

Elizabeth Marquardt, David Blankenhorn, Robert I. Lerman, Linda Malone-Colón, and W. Bradford Wilcox. (2012). “The President's Marriage Agenda for the Forgotten Sixty Percent,” The State of Our Unions. Retrieved from https://byui.brightspace.com/content/enforced/360707-Online.2018.Winter.FAML300.05/Course%20Files/State%20of%20Our%20Unions-2012.pdf?_&d2lSessionVal=y8UKQZ33ieH0lEbZOHeIeXDMR&ou=360707

Oaks, D. H. (2007). Divorce. Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2007/04/divorce?lang=eng

mormonchannel. (2012). Saving Your Marriage. Retrieved from https://www.mormonchannel.org/watch/series/mormon-messages/saving-your-marriage-2

mormonchannel. (2014) Falling Out of Love with a Spouse.  Retrieved from https://www.mormonchannel.org/watch/series/his-grace/falling-out-of-love-with-a-spouse