Friday, February 2, 2018

Covenant Marriage or Contractual Marriage, what’s the difference? - Week 4

Every couple will face opposition that will test their marriage.  What type of marriage do you have?  In Bruce Hafen’s talk, “Covenant Marriage”, he discusses two different types of marriages, contractual marriage and covenant marriage.   He states, “When troubles come, the parties to a contractual marriage seek happiness by walking away.  They marry to obtain benefits and will stay only as long as they’re receiving what they bargained for.  But when troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them through.  They marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God.  Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100 percent” (Hafen, 1996).
What this means to me is that if you are in a contractual marriage and things are not going your way, you can throw your marriage away.   Marriage and family are not valued as they once were.  It has become disposable and many people think that their first marriage will be a tester or a trial marriage, and if it doesn’t work for them, they are out!  A covenant marriage is one where husband and wife are a team and they work together to solve problems.  They support each other and lift each other up helping their family thrive and be happy.  A covenant marriage is one where man and woman are part of a triangle with either one at the bottom corners and Christ at the apex.  As they grow closer to the Lord, they naturally grow closer to one another. A covenant marriage is a selfless marriage.  Elder Bednar talks about this very thing when he says, “…that we have made the comfort and convenience of our eternal companion our highest priority, then they will become less self-centered and more able to give, to serve, and to create an equal and enduring companionship” (Bednar, 1996) 

Image result for covenant marriage quote pic

Marriage can be difficult.  I have noticed over the 26 years of our marriage; my husband and I have had ups and downs.  We have had a wonderful marriage and with that comes trials of life.  We are human, and because of that, there have been times where we have struggled because we forget to put God and spouse first.  The awesome thing about being married to your best friend is that you don’t want to hurt them.  We always have a more successful marriage when we are trying hard to do the simple things of praying and reading scriptures and obeying the commandments.  We are able to talk to each other and lift each other up while expressing our worries and troubles.  This helps us build our relationship. 

Image result for salt lake temple marriage

Temples are where we can be married and sealed for all time and eternity linking us to our families forever.  In President Bensons talk, “What I Hope You Would Teach Your Children”, he talks about his mother pulling up a chair next to him in the kitchen and telling him about temple work.  She told him about the importance of the sacred ordinances performed there.  She expressed her hope that her posterity would one day enjoy the priceless blessings of the temple. (Benson, 1986) 
I wondered what I did as a mother with my young children, to show them how sacred and important the temple is in my life.  I called my daughter and asked her what she remembered being taught about the temple when she was little.  She mentioned three things that we did that left a lasting impression on her, about the temple.  The first memory she had was that whenever we saw a temple, mostly in Utah, we would make a point to drive up to it and “touch the temple."  She remembered feeling like temples were special places, so much that we left the beaten path to physically touch the temple.   Second, we talked about how this was a special place.  On every temple there is a statement, "The house of the Lord."  These are Gods temples and we go there to make promises and covenants with Him.  Last, we had pictures of different temples hung up around our house.  We often talked about being married forever in the temple, and about eternal families.  These are great ways of showing the importance of temples.
One thing that I want to mention is that the only way that we can be sealed together is through the power of the priesthood. “Elijah brought the keys of sealing powers-that power which seals a man to a woman and seals their posterity to them endlessly.  In the celestial glory there are three heavens or degrees; and in order to obtain the highest, a man must enter into this order of the priesthood, meaning the new and everlasting covenant of marriage; and if he does not, he cannot obtain it (Benson, 1986)
I’m grateful for covenant marriage and for the opportunity that I have had, in this life, to marry, and be sealed in the temple, to my best friend.  It’s exciting to think of what life will bring and to know that if we keep our covenants that we made to each other and to God in the temple, we have potential to live together forever as a family.




Bednar, D.A. (2006, June). Marriage Is Essential to His Eternal Plan. Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/ensign/2006/06/marriage-is-essential-to-his-eternal-plan?lang=eng
Benson, E.T. (1986, April). What I Hope You Would Teach Your Children about the Temple. Retrieved from https://byui.brightspace.com/content/enforced/360707-Online.2018.Winter.FAML300.05/Course%20Files/Benson_Temple.pdf?_&d2lSessionVal=Ndjyg0CkoEYbkzK24pF8cuM9n&ou=360707
Hafen, B. (1996, November). Covenant Marriage. Retrieved from https://byui.brightspace.com/content/enforced/360707-Online.2018.Winter.FAML300.05/Course%20Files/Covenant_Marriage_Hafen.pdf?_&d2lSessionVal=Ndjyg0CkoEYbkzK24pF8cuM9n&ou=360707

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